Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize