How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I have peed in a lot of sinks
the raccoons are back...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
