was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
