Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize