the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
