We won't sleep together?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
