We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
