dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
