I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
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