Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize