You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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