We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
