Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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