Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
