okay pat passed out under dana's car
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
