Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
