u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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