I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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