Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
