You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
