I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize