Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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