just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
