you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
