New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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