dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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