Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I need moral support for this bender
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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