How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
false alarm, still single
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