so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
