im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
