i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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