Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
