every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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