I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
why do cheetos always look like penises
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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