i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm at about main and main street
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
