he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize