what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
