call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
