im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
