I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize