how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
