I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
