If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm just crazy horny about you
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
