fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
