a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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