I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
i need some magic done to my vagina
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
