All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
