what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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