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I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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