i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I pour the whiskey from now on
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
