you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
