good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
