you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
