if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
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