I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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