I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
