Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
