My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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