she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
