Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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