After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize