Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
