yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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