so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
