Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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