She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
