You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
