Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
