there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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