how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
