I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
