He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize