Where did you get a picture of my penis
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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