I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
