and she was petting her beer can
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
