Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
