What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
