he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
