omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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