I wish I could teleport
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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