capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
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