there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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