hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
