I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize