fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
