I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
