you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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