I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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