My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We left an ass print on the piano.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I have post one night stand depression
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