Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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