Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
We are two peas in an std pod
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
