Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
