He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
