There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
