Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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