if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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