he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
