Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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