I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
