Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
