So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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