You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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