My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
