I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
